I didn't know

Never have I thought it could happen to me. Never see it coming. Another resolution another vow. I will never let it happen to me again. I'll stand my ground. Never know it could hurt me that bad

A lonely Xmas

My fav holiday but always an unhappy one. I told myself today, next year regardless of what happened...I'm spending my Xmas away from malaysia. Be it alone or with friends, is a promise I vow to keep.

Merry Xmas ah Wai! 

I still misses her

Bad case of insomnia today. She was all over my mind. Wonder if she still think of me ... As much as i do of her. It happened too fast. 

:( hopefully it will get better tomorrow

officially missing you

"Officially Missing You"

[Verse One]
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two years full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

[Chorus]

It's official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

Thank you

Finally I can let it go. Thank you for the lovely memories! We might not be together but those memories will always be close to my heart.  Tit tit, ka dan, cha por, kuku chi, ip pu yo, hubby, yeobu and many more. It will always triggered a smile in me. I hope one day we will both find happiness and live a better life. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart ! For one last time, I love you yeobu !!

SHE...elvis costello

watched we got married the finale again. this time by myself. brought back a lot of memories. a part of me which was so long forgotten. the feeling of in love and belonging. it was beautiful.

She
May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die

She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is

She
She, oh she
Lyrics from eLyrics.net

The end

So much for my happy ending...-Avril-

Karma perhaps...learned something new again

Day 8

Each buzz each indicator, I hope it's from her. I secretly check my phone every now and then hoping to see something from her. Yearning for just a little indication that she's missing me too

Day 7

Been almost a week now. I'm still missing her like craZy but I'm sure I'll grew out of it. It seems like she's happier too so I guess this could be the end. Whatever happens, let the two of us lead a happy life and she'll find someone who she truly love! 

Sometimes to let go is to love even more...

Day 6

The anguish continues ....

Day 4

I was sick like a dead car today and there was never a moment that went past without me thinking of her. I'm constantly thinking of her. What is she doing? Have she taken her lunch? How was her day?

Day 3

The wedding was great, met old friends but also some unpleasant ones. Shifted my mind off her for a while but wanted to her first when i learned the big secret. 

It was great to be around friends again

Day 2

Went to the dentist today and got my tooth done.

My mind was constantly on her all the time

Another tough day

Day 1

My heart hurts like hell

Hope it will be better in the morning

This is not gonna be easy

Happy birthday to me!!

Another year passes by,

Another year of unfulfilled promises,

Another year of un-achieved dreams,

Instead of wishing myself this year,

I wish people around me to have good health and happiness!! 

Happy birthday Ong Sau Wai! May all my close ones be blessed with good health and happiness!! 

The worse feeling ever

On a day like this, I wish I'll just die next. 

fate

sometimes no matter how hard you try...things will never change
 you can only hope and pray
when the day comes then it comes

The fat lady just sang the last line....

Down & out

I feel like shite! I can't sleep! 

....

it is ever so bright

I am never proud of my past. i was naive and i wasted loads of time but i'm making up to it. to be a better man. i been thru shite too. like i always said " you'll have to suffer the consequences of your own doing. i know i gotta pay my dues and it's hard! especially for someone who past his peak and seeing his mates doing well in whatever they are doing. 

i can't change my past and i won't. i learned a lot from it and i'm glad it hit me now than hitting me in my forties. i'm a very negative person and hope one day i'll see silver lining in everything i faces as "after the darkest hour, the sun will shine again" and it is ever so bright!! 

Vanity Fair

Sitting here with me mom just checking out ppl around me. I'm so glad that I'm born this way. Not that to say I'm good looking or what but there are quite a lot of weird looking ppl out there. Damn! They look weird and not only they look weird they act like one too.....scary shite!

City of Glass

The beauty of the glass city reflected on the shiny surface of man's glory. All pleasing to the eyes but a hollow tin inside.

I, me and myself

Sigh! Nvm la. I've decided to be happy no matter what. If no one knows how to comfort you then comfort myself la!!! Watch porn and masturbate! Hahaha! 

No one will ever have the rights to make me unhappy anymore. I'm my own man.

It will be me against the world!!

Les miserables

Why do I always ends up alone when I'm miserable?

........

Little little things

It's funny how little little things affects your mood. I guess my people skills are abit poor. Well well gotta stop sulking and be better

But it still sucks!! 

I want to be your lover not a family member

i want you to know you mean the world to me
i hope one day you'll understand and learn to love me just as much

sometimes i wish i could just hug you and kiss you on the forehead without you moving away
sometimes i wish you would misses me just as much
sometimes i wish you could just give in and just make my day
sometimes i wish if you could just give me a big hug and just lie on my shoulder
sometimes i wish if you could look me in the eyes, say i love you and kisses me softly
sometimes i wish if we could just spend half a day just hugging each other to sleep
sometimes i wish if we could be more passionate about each other

Sometimes I wish if you could accompany me to do stuff cos i don't like being alone
sometimes i wish is just us against the world


sometimes i wish if we could just go back to how we started when i felt i meant the world to you.....

signing off with a prayer!

You're on your own

No matter how much you hate it to be alone, you gotta to learn to love it. No one fucking cares about how you feel dude. No one! Humans are selfish in nature. Think for yourself!! Think for yourself damn it! No such thing as karma..

When everything goes against you

It's ok I'll manage. Nobody will help you except yourself because no one fucking understands you. Learn from the past and you'll be just alright

God isn't done with me yet. I'm pretty sure god have a plan for me. Hang in there buddy !! You're used to heartache anyway... If you managed to go thru 08. I'm pretty sure you can go thru this. Love yourself more

Love is a funny thing

I wonder how and i wonder why

It sometimes leaves you high and dry

Sometimes it's just part of your life

Like a puppy I sat

And I thought I'm wiser

I know what you did last summer...

if only i could turn back time

i love her and i really really do

in fact more than the one i thought i have loved the most

after this i do not know if i have the courage to love anymore

i tot this could be it but it never to be

it seems the more i put in the more i push it away

i do not know how to love anymore

dear god, please give me the strength to get through this as i'm still very much in love with her

ease my pain and heartache

i hope she'll find someone who can give her happiness....i hope she'll be happy again one day

I miss us

:) inception

Hi, how's your day? Muacks!!

Singularity

I'm not perfect , i'm trying and I get tired sometimes....please try to understand

Doesn't revolves around u only
What about me?
I'm not human? I do not have feelings too?
Maybe I don't...

Lost and found

Love her for what she is
Love her for what she's not

I finally can say I found someone i want to spend the rest of my life with...
I learn to accept her for who she is

Dear god, if you have a plan for me please include her into it for i have pledged to myself to love her unconditionally and to take care of her. I might not have everything in the world but I'll give her every thing I have.

Please grant me a wish ..to complete my life with her!!

When there's a block ahead

You find your way around it

You're a joke

I'm laughing and crying at the same time...I dunno why! Ong Sau Wai you're a
Joke! Your life is a joke! You selfish bastard! I wish I could turn back time and right the wrong....

And I'm still smiling when I'm sad.....

The end?

I have never been so low in my life? Newest point of low. This court case is really troubling me greatly. I have the same dream every night. I committed suicide in each and every one of it. I use a drill and drill it all the through my head. What a way to go??? My mind is pretty fucked up now!! Is it a sign of an end????

God, please give me strength to go through this. I can't take it anymore. Let me go if you will. Faraway land and there shall be no more sufferings!

My prayer

Dear god,

If you really do exist, please hear my plea. If you really have great plans for me, please stop my sufferings and grant me a new beginning. I have tried to live but I failed miserably. Please show me a path to a life where there's less disappointment and sufferings. I have tried hard really really hard to live up to expectations but each time I fall and fell harder. I think I had enough...maybe perhaps it's time to return to you....
Please give me a sign......and I'll do the rest

Please end my sufferings as your lost sheep is losing the will to live

Worth it??

I dunno??

In the dark corner

I don't think anyone understands how I feel....it's like screaming under water!
I believe one day karma will do me good but I'm longing for that day far too long...I might lose hope

Transparent

I can see thru u but I kept my silence ...I'm a great observer

Tired.... I'm just blardy tired

.........

Thin red line

Sometimes patience might have its limit...

Smile

I'll continue to love her and help her to let go of her past or till she stop loving me. Call me stupid or what but that's what I could do if I love her. If I can't win her heart at least I could help her find peace and happiness.

I just want her to be happy! Be like what she used to be!

......

Sacrifice & regrets are the two biggest taboos

El loco??

Being called a stupid!! U like that?

Test of time

Knowing her being harassed was rather hard on me. She's taking all these shits just because of me. These bitches are freaking immature and childish. Sigh!

Anyway, been under a lot of strained lately. Quarreling been a daily affair. I did what I could and chilled. In fact I dun remember being so patience. Not even PY. I guess when u love someone u love everything about her. I hope we could find the right balance. Understanding is a big word to do!

The wake up

i guess it bound to happen one way or another...it's rather peculiar when you thought it would end up well but if you put it in your own shoes, well it's not the sort of things that you would think will ever happen. So when the shits hits the ceiling you bound to be hit by some of it. Now the question is...how bad will this be? I really do hope that it will end in a good way but it doesn't look good now...

No man's land

When home doesn't feels like home....

Love is a funny thing

I think I'm really in love with her...to a point I'm not thinking straight anymore. Gotta hold back a lil bit before it goes out of hand. I think I never really love someone that much to a point I don't think I deserve her. Sigh! What a feeling!

2012 in retrospect

Yeap...another year have passed and I'm still ranting over things!
2012 been a mixture of things. There were laughters, there were tears. Nothing major and that's how it have been throughout my life. Sometimes I'm just tired! Really tired of living.

Sigh! Let's hope 2013 will be a better one!!!
And ya!!! U been through this...you know very well what you should do!!! Everything in moderation...!! Remember????
You gotta think for yourself too!!
Wise up dude!